A Word of Advice... on hooking up

By Joshua O'Connell
Posted Monday, February 9, 2004

I need a second opinion. My friends have been saying to others that I've been quite the slut the past few months. I've thought about the number of hook-ups that I've had and I don't really agree. On average I hook up with a guy every couple of weekends and we generally don't do much more than make out, if we even go further at all.

Am I really being that slutty? I know that not everyone has the same opinion, but I'm not really THAT bad, am I?

--What's a slut?

Occasionally, I get the rare opportunity to introduce a new theory to the column. In the past eighteen months, we've covered the nookie complex; drunken words, sober thoughts; and so on.

Trying to figure out a person's slut factor can be difficult, as there's some difference in opinion. But, after discussions with a number of friends, we have arrived at the latest AWOA theory.

I give you the Slutcom system:

• Slutcom 0 - Frigid: Slutcom 0 is someone who really hasn't been with too many people, if they've been with people at all. Hook-ups are practically non-existant - there may be one or two in the past, but nothing consistent or spectacular. Card carrying member of the prude patrol, or at least pretty darn close.

• Slutcom 1 - Normal: This category is characterized by occasional hook-ups. Generally, these hook-ups are with people that could be potential relationship material, even though that's not always 100 percent. They also tend to be not overly physical; sex is rare for a slutcom 1 - and generally, isn't too much of a concern.

• Slutcom 2 - A lil' sleazy: You hook up with people on a semi-regular basis. You may hook up with random people sometimes, especially in a drunken stupor. How far you go will vary widely, but the options are more open and based on the heat of the moment.

• Slutcom 3 - On the prowl: A hook-up each weekend isn't unusual; the distance a hook-up will go is high up there too. Your friends are talking about you behind your back, and even you're shocked you haven't broken your bed yet. While you haven't approached campus bicycle status (there's just too many guys, and not enough weekends), you for some reason are semi-proud of your track record. After all, not many people can claim they've gotten as much ass as you. Except...

• Slutcom 4 - Um... wow: They look at you. They blink. You pounce. Your room is characterized by a "Now Serving" counter above your bed and a "Take a Number" box outside your door. Anyone who enters your lair is required to be irradiated before leaving your room, and doctors are standing by your bed to administer VD tests as necessary. In all seriousness, we're talking two people in one night, multiple hook-ups every weekend, and so on. Slutcom 4's are the ones that pump the stats up so when we read the results of those sex surveys, we're shocked at how promiscuous America really is - it's not all of us - just the slutcom 4's who hurt us.

Now, before I finally get back to answering my letter writer's question, a couple of quick notes about this system. Like the Homeland Security scale, you can move up or down based on current conditions in your life. You have to look at the whole picture. Just because you were a slutcom 3 a year ago doesn't make you one now - if you haven't hooked up with anyone in awhile, or are in a relationship, you could be a slutcom 1 now or even a 0! That means if you've overly slutty, you can recover. Also, while this system has been tweaked based on the suggestions of people I've run this by, there's probably still room for tweaking. We'll build this theory out a bit, and once it's solidified I'll update all of you on it. (We may need a theories page at some point explaining things to newcomers; feel free to send in your suggestions there too.)

Now, onward: friends are always concerned about the people they're hanging around with. For one, sometimes you have the issue of "slut by association," where if you're friends with a slut, you can't be all that up there yourself. However, friends also have the uncanny ability to overreact.

If you're being honest about how often you hook-up, you're at slutcom 2 right now, but just barely, due to frequency. Overall, as long as you're playing safe, you don't have *too* much to be concerned about. The fact that you're limiting things mostly to making out is also good, and that's why you only barely hit 2 - the fact that you hold back and don't go overboard is generally characteristic of a 1.

--Sex with the ex is a hex

Blech. Blech blech blech.

First of all, that's quite the progression that you pulled off in a month or so. From not talking only a week or two before the letter was written to sex three times a week at the time the letter was written? Amazing.

The short answer is: as long as he thinks there's no strings attached sex, he'll go for it. However, it will end as soon as one of a couple of things happen:

• He finds someone else;
• You decide to end it; or
• You say you have feelings for him (most likely scenario)

That having been said, you should tell him anyway. Will you lose the sex? Quite likely. But is it worth it when it's that hollow? Sure, it's fun when you're in the moment, but the rest of the time you wonder why you're wasting your time waiting for a guy who will never come back around. Sex is never a way to win over someone's heart, and a relationship built on sex is a fairly shaky one.

His advice is actually advice to heed: get over him. You'll respect yourself and won't build any false hopes.

Good luck, and thanks for asking.

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