A Word of Advice... on exes

By Joshua O'Connell
Posted Monday, August 27, 2007

I am looking for some advice on an ex. We were together for two years. We moved to another state together, and I felt as if he was someone I could be with forever, and he told me he mirrored those feelings for me.

We broke up because living together and seeing each other 24/7 was too much for us. I think as a 20 and 22 year old just we were not ready to be on that level. We have been broken up for about eight months. I moved back to my home state and he stayed in the apartment we shared.

We have kept in touch, talking everyday, still saying I love you, and standing by the fact one day the time will be right for us.

All of the sudden my phone calls have gone unanswered. It’s like he dropped off the face of the earth. I have not heard from him for two weeks which is the longest in two years we have not spoke to each other. I have stopped trying to reach him.

I don’t know if I should give up completely or what to really make of this. Last time we spoke we talked for about an hour and at the end of the conversation he said I love you, talk to you later. I am so confused and I want someone’s advice that is not on my side or his side. Should I give up on him?

--Love lost?

As you’ll find by letter 3 below, sometimes distance can be the wedge that drives people apart. He’s in another state, and although he harbors feelings for you, your being away may have triggered a definitive separation that encouraged him to start seeing other people. He may have just ended up meeting someone he decided he wanted to get to know better.

Age may have played a factor in the two of you not working out, but it may have just simply not worked. And although you two may have feelings for each other, take the fact that you both didn’t make it living together as a sign that, even five years from now, it may still not work. If he’s disconnected, find yourself another gentleman caller.

I had a mutual break up with my ex and we were both kind of waiting and hoping to get back together. Then he went and got a boyfriend - admittedly it was taking me a long time to contact him - and he's moved on. Now what do I do?

--Lost ex

Since you waited too long to contact him, the question now is if you should keep waiting. Waiting for the relationship with whoever he’s with to fall apart, if it actually does (you never know). Waiting to see if he still harbors feelings for you when that point hits. Waiting to see if you can rekindle the spark.

Why wait?

You should scout around and see what other options are out there. If you date around, things don’t work out, and he becomes available, you can then see what happens. But, if you meet someone else, you can get out of this waiting game. It may not seem easy at first, but you might find someone you’re even more compatible with. Waiting for someone who could be right is fine, but why not test the waters with others while waiting to see if there’s someone better?

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. Last June he decided to enlist into the Army and although it was hard to accept I knew that it was best for him to better himself. Now he is stationed in Colorado.
He started spending less time with me on the phone. He said he would call me back and never would. Days would go by where he would not call me, or he would lie, say he was sleepy and would call me later. But he never would.
His being unfaithful did cloud my mind several times, but because he has never been unfaithful, I did not want to believe that he was cheating. A few days ago, I called his cell phone and a female answered. At first, I thought I had the wrong number. But when I called again she answered again. It turns out that he had been seeing her for two weeks.
He called and apologized for the cruel things he said to me and that he hasn't been the same since he's been gone. I really want to do everything that I can to save our relationship. On the other hand, it is going to take a lot for him to regain my trust. Is it a bad idea to save this relationship?

--On the fence

It’s a bad idea if you think he can’t manage three years away from you. It didn’t take long for him to stray once he wasn’t nearby. My advice is the same for you as for the first writer – if he’s disconnecting, find someone else.

Good luck, and thanks for asking.

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