Frequently Asked Questions

Posted Sunday, May 20, 2007

What qualifies you to be able to give advice?

I have an opinion. At least, that qualifies me based on what the dictionary's definition of advice is (in so many words, it's basically someone's opinion offered to help someone).

This column started as a number of areas converged. First, I have always had an open door (and open ear) for friends with problems. I'd tell them what I think, and then I'd end up getting status updates. Second, I've read advice columns for years, and a couple of them have commented "If you can do it yourself, get your own freakin' column." Check. And third, I wanted to have a regular column at my college paper that allowed interaction with readers. After a dry run through the online edition, it made it as a regular feature for a semester, and now will be offered to other college papers nationally beginning this fall.

As for my qualifications, the column, geared towards college students (at least whenever possible), is a fit for me having lived through quite a lot (or at least I've lived through it with others as a minimum) and having completed college really recently. Many of the questions I've answered in the columns just require good ol' common sense or an outside perspective. As a result, it's fairly easy to be "qualified" for a column, without having some fancy psych degree. People are complex creatures, but their problems generally aren't. Of course, when you're living it, it sure can seem that way.

They sometimes don't.

For those who like a behind-the-scenes view of how something's done, here's how I assemble a column:

I start by looking at what questions have been submitted, but haven't been answered, recently. I try to see what kinds of things they have in common. Sometimes it just works out - a bunch of questions about dating come in, or a lot of people are ticked off at their roommate's inability to ask before taking a can of Shasta. Sometimes, that's all it takes.

Other times, it's more difficult. When it gets to be that way, I'll see if there's any way I can stretch a column's category to wrap around three fairly unrelated questions. Some of my columns have been categorized in such ways as "Guys and Dolls" and "Communication Between the Sexes." So that's plan B.

Stretching hasn't been as big an issue recently as it has been in the past because questions have been flowing in much more regularly. As the column grows in reach, that helps to solve the problem. But it still happens occasionally, and so that's also why some columns have questions SO much alike - sometimes I am, indeed, stretching, if only a bit. So send in more questions so I can have more to work with already!

I am not, but I'm still a big flirt.

For the first year or so of the column's run, it was written initially for The Mirror. It moved to INPursuit in June/July of 2003, and has been here ever since. In recent times it's been carried on My Bing, a portal site of sorts for Binghamton University students, and The Mirror has occasionally run a couple of fresh columns mixed in with some of the archives as part of testing the syndication system. Pursuit is the official keeper of the column, so all the run dates, content and so forth are their original, unedited versions. In certain cases The Mirror censored the column, and in others we opted not to run the column that was posted here for content reasons.

Pssh. That's too much work. I like the fact that all I have to do is react to what other people are saying in E-mails. In fact, unless heavy editing is in order, I just copy/paste the question into the column and I'm half way there. Making up questions is a difficult procedure anyway. I like the path of least resistance.

The turnaround time can be very quick (we're talking days or - more likely - weeks usually, not months) for my column. The column is written on the fly generally, and I may work a couple of weeks ahead when I know a vacation or something of that nature is coming up. But that gives me the chance to turn a question around quickly, especially when I know it'll help someone and also be interesting to those of you reading this (and that is a growing number, which only adds to the difficulty). Still, because the column is currently only a weekly feature, that does mean questions fall by the wayside; not every question is answered (see below).

I tend to prioritize questions that either have a unique angle or are in a category I haven't touched on in awhile. Early on in the column questions were of the more general variety, but the column's evolved to more specific help. The nice thing though is that with the archives there's now both general and specific situation advice... slowly we'll have a relationship novel out of this!

To give you the full range though: I will avoid questions that I've answered fairly well in the past if my memory doesn't fail me and it's not *too* far in the past. I'll avoid questions with a "no duh" answer unless I need a short one to keep my column within word count. I also don't like doing that too often - mean Josh doesn't need to appear all that often. I'll try to avoid questions that don't fit into my overall college-student focus, unless it either can be beneficial going forward or if the question is just too good to pass up. Jerry Springer's desensitized me, so if I think it's juicy, it's gotta be good.

Advice columns, in general, appear that way. But the thing that people must keep in mind when reading it is that people usually hit a breaking point, start searching online in a last-ditch effort to try to find some sort of answer, stumble across the column or a message board I post on, and pour their hearts out. They know what they need to do; their friends have been hounding them. Hearing it from a complete stranger sometimes is what people need. So instead of being optimistic and cheerful all the time, regardless of what the question's asking, I try to give the most logical advice I can for the situation, even if it's not what they're necessarily wanting to hear.

There are occasions when I'll entertain the more absurd point of view, but usually that's for one of two reasons. Either the reader has asked a specific question, in which I'll entertain the idea and explain the best way to go about doing something, or my twisted side has come up with a more fun way to handle a situation than my normal, moral-grounded advice would normally guide me.

There is an element of humor to the column most of the time - sometimes a failed element, but an element none-the-less. Advice can be downright depressing sometimes, so you need a sense of humor to keep things going. Otherwise, both reader and writer would be depressed for quite some time.

Advice is one of those areas where I just can't read enough. I tend to read on a regular basis Carolyn Hax (Tell Me About It - she's a better wit than I am) and Dan Savage (Savage Love - definitely an "adults only" column, but The Onion runs it, so that's like a seal of approval). Interestingly, Carolyn Hax and I both can wear the badge of the Trumbullite - it must be something in the water. Dan also recently launched a podcast and it's required listening for anyone - he's really good at helping people see the light.

More FAQ's to come...

 E-mail this page
 Printer-friendly page