A Word of Advice... on crushes

By Joshua O'Connell
Posted Monday, January 10, 2005

If I've been counting right, this would be the 100th A Word of Advice column! Very exciting stuff - I hope you've enjoyed the column up to this point. Let's hope the next 100 doesn't take over two years to reach!

I have a huge crush on the most popular guy, and he's a year older than me. I have never felt this way about anyone. I almost feel obsessive. Everyone is mad because I like him and one of my best friends just told me he doesn't like me. I don't know what to do. Should I keep trying or give up with a broken heart?

--Crushed

Give up with a broken heart? My... that's a really painful way to go.

If he's not interested, and I doubt your friend would misguide you, you probably should indeed move on. But I wouldn't worry too much; crushes come and go, and another crush will come along before you know it. While you might be hurting right now, it's not something you can't overcome.

There's this guy who just happens to be my ex-boyfriend and I still really really like him, but I think he hates me because I already broke up with him twice. That was really stupid to do because I still like him. I'm afraid to ask him if he hates me though. What should I do?

--Confused gurl

You came up with your signature, and I don't get where your confusion comes in. You like him; you know that. You've broken things off with him twice though, and that might cause some anger.

If you're still interested in him, talk to him and see if he's willing to give it yet another go. After a second break, though, those interests tend to wane, so don't expect a definite yes. You might be pleasantly surprised, or you might find your initial worries to be founded. Either way though, you'll at least have some sort of resolution on whether a third chance is even possible.

I have a friend that I like but he's more like my best friend. I met him when I was 15.
Last year I desided to write him a letter telling how much I care about him. After he got the letter he read it and that evening when I saw him we made eye contact. He had the biggest smile on his face that said he liked it.
Then I went up to him and asked him if he liked it. He looked me in the eye and said that was the best thing anyone has ever done for him. Then he wrapped his arms around me and gave me the biggest hug.
After that day everything changed. He started sitting next to me in church and included me in the conversations. He even wrote me a letter and is the first guy ever to pay that much attention to me. Do you think he likes me? Do think there is some thing there?

--Considering her options

You wrote a letter a year ago; he liked it a lot. He's including you more. He obviously thinks something of you.

Is it a crush or something of that nature? Well, it could be, but considering what you did (wrote a letter that meant so much to him) it seems unlikely that he'd foster a crush for you for that long and not ever actually come around and ask you out or something like that.

Still, if 100 columns has taught me anything, it's that a good percentage of our population is a chicken when it comes to asking people out. If you're interested, float that by him and see what he thinks. If he's not interested, you've still got one damn good friendship, and that's still worth something.

Good luck, and thanks for asking.

Got a question? Just ask. You could see your question published in a future column with an answer from Josh!

E-mail this page

Printer-friendly page