A Word of Advice... on making your move

By Joshua O'Connell
Posted Thursday, June 9, 2005

I like this kid and there is a remote difference in age. He is a junior and I'm a freshman. I hooked up with him and I want to do more but I am scared to call him in fear of him turning me down.

--Fallen hook, line and sinker

My column has held the philosophy of "don't ask and you shall not receive." It's a common thread in my letters that people want more, but are afraid to ask.

That makes me scream at the monitor: "MAKE YOUR MOVE!"

I understand it's a difficult thing for many to do; I even have issues with this. But if you don't say anything, he can't accept your invitation, because there hasn't been one.

Ask him. Worst case, he does turn you down, and you move on. Rejection is always a temporary state, and you'll always find someone more receptive if it happens.

--Dating, but not

Withhold anything fun until he caves. Or leaves you.

Well, no need to be so drastic. Being official or not seems to be a red herring here. You have the relationship; there's just no formal title on it. Unless you think he's seeing this as an open relationship, is there really a problem?

If you want to try to get an actual title out of this, just have an honest chat with him. Ask him where he thinks this is going. If he wants to keep things going, I doubt using the term "relationship" will matter, unless he's a relationship-phobe, and then you may have a slight problem. At that point, it's being patient and letting him become more comfortable with what you two have. Make your move.

--Double talk

So many different possibilities. He could've decided he wants to become friends with you again, he now finds you attractive, or he wants to know where you bought your shirt.

If you're interested in him, you should just get up the nerve and see if he's interested back. Make your move. If he's not interested back, he may stop talking to you again, but that just puts you back where you started, and you seem OK with that, based on your letter. The risk is outweighed by the potential reward.

Bonus submission time!

What if I am doing three people in a single day?

This was followed by...

I just sent a letter and I was just informing you it is know up to four a day and Josh you look hot and I want to give it to you hard all night long. I bet your penis is huge and I want to suck it.

--Horny in Hawaii

First of all, let it be noted that I do read every submission, including these. Secondly, I find it quite amusing that someone's attempting to judge my penis size based solely on a headshot.

This particular letter allows me to revisit a previous column topic that I introduced 15 months ago, the slutcom scale (immortalized in a survey taken by 250,000 of you - thanks!).

Horny, you're a Slutcom 4, and apparently proud of it. Congrats. But sadly, I must turn you down on your offer, and not just because you didn't include an E-mail address in your submission. I'm on the East Coast, making such a liaison difficult. I'm seeing someone (the FAQ notes that), so that would probably cause me a problem.

But even without those two limitations, if you're sleeping with four people a day I doubt you could spare an entire night like you've offered for me. Sadly, the only thing you're going to suck is air when you realize I actually decided to answer your letters.

If you're really sleeping with four people a day (and the tone of your letters makes me believe that you're sleeping with four people only if they're stuffed animals sitting next to you on your bed), the standard advice columnist 101 rules apply: play safe, choose a neutral place (with that many people, I'd suggest a hotel with a revolving door), and drink lots of water.

Good luck, and thanks for asking.

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