A Word of Advice... on being thankful

By Joshua O'Connell
Posted Thursday, November 25, 2004

Thanksgiving is a time for being thankful for those we love...

My soon to be husband had his bachelor party last weekend. He went to a strip club after a week of me telling him I didn't feel comfortable with that. To me we should be celebrating our commitment to EACH OTHER. He says he was really drunk and only spent 3 minutes in there.

I know he was taken up on stage and a naked girl danced for him. My brother was there and says there were belts and ice involved and his shirt was ripped off. He tells me he doesn't remember any of it because he was so drunk.

They also went to another strip club earlier in the night, but were kicked out because his friend pushed his face into a girl's butt when she was dancing in front of him. He says he doesn't remember going there.

It just kills me to think of him getting off on another girl. Plus it totally disrespected how I felt about him going.

--Stripped of Dignity

Not quite a question, but I've got enough to work with here. Do a little strip tease for him and then show him why he doesn't need to leave the house.

Well, barring that pole position, there's other things to consider here. Yes, it was a bachelor's party, and yes, boys will be boys as they say, but some people are more open to this type of thing than others. What he ultimately did, if true, is slightly excessive... I guess you don't live in a place where laws require a six foot gap. But it's probably not something to pull the plug on an engagement for.

I'd sit down and let him know that you're a bit upset that he disregarded your feelings just for a cheap night of fun. Try not to yell and scream, and instead frame it in a constructive conversation that focuses more on respecting each other.

For the record, I find it hard to believe someone would last through all of that, while going through a drunken blackout... I think it'd be likely he'd remember at least *part* of the night. This comes down to honesty and respect for each other. Create an environment where you two can be honest with each other by remaining calm... if you can't confide in each other now and be truthful, that could be an issue. Conversely, put trust into your future husband and know that no matter where he works up his appetite, he'll always come home for dinner - he didn't do anything that would ultimately be something punishable by life in marriage prison.

I've been kinda dating this guy for about a month or so. I am very unsure of things because I just got out of a relationship of three years.

I enjoy hanging out with him but when it comes to getting physical I tend to push him away. I don't want to lead him on. We kiss but haven't really made out much because I don't want to make him think I want anything more than just hanging out.

I don't want a relationship with him, but I do want to have my fun with him. I don't know what to do. I feel that if I get more physical with him I might give him the impression that I want more than just dating when all I want to do is just enjoy myself a little with no attachment. What can I do to not lead him on?

--Non-commital question

Tell him. Plain and simple.

You lead your question by saying you're "kinda dating," when you don't want to date at all. You're basically saying you're doing what you don't want to do.

To set the proper expectation, you need to communicate with him and tell him what you really want. If he wants to be a part of it, he'll go for it and all will be well. If he doesn't, the two of you can decide the best course of action. Ultimately, if you're worried about leading him on, honesty is what will save you from going in a direction you're unhappy with. If he wants to be a part of it, he'll make that clear to you.

Is it normal for a man to take a shower after sex?

--To the point

Yes. It's as normal as smoking a cigarette, cuddling, or rolling over and falling asleep. Each person has their own particular habit that comes from the deed. They may be a clean freak (and sex does tend to make one perspire slightly), or it could just be "one of those things," but it's normal.

Now, if they dance naked in the street... that's when you may want to worry. Or maybe not - you can always join in.

Good luck, and thanks for asking.

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