A Word of Advice... on hooking up

By Joshua O'Connell
Posted Thursday, October 24, 2002

Recently I was making out with a guy and it could've been hook up material. However, I was in my "time of the month." Ultimately, it didn't get too far, but next time should I tell a guy if I'm in that part of the cycle?

--Scared to tell about "it"

Boy, I have a real period piece here.

Guys love to be surprised. Nothing like a little mess to make things fun, right? Yeah, bad call.

This is something you sort of have to play by ear. If you're hitting that point, it's a good thing to tell. Sadly, this is one of those I-could-put-him-out-of-the-mood sort of things, but there are subtle ways to do it. One is to say that you want to keep action above the belt. You could also say that you simply "don't do that with random guys." Ultimately, you're in control, but if you think the guy is cool with it and you're cool with it, then problem solved. Married people face it all the time.

Hopefully, the guy is someone you're in a committed relationship with and that you completely trust, right? If not, that's a whole other bag of worms… and I'd say if this is some party hook up, you'd probably be happier with at least some safe action without getting that involved. Blood is a transmitter for AIDS - that isn't a good thing to think about when you're taking the walk of shame.

--Looking for some smooth moves

When a girl uses a good line on me, I'll let you know.

You could pull a guy-type thing and say "Want to check X out upstairs? It's really cool." Then when you get up there, point at it, and then jump on him like you're a lion pouncing on a gazelle.

Geez - I gotta stop watching Animal Planet. That, and listening to that "Discovery Channel" song.

Basically, don't plan ahead - just go with the flow of the moment. Movie scripts even make scripted lines look awkward. I'm sure the guy will be plenty pleased that you're the aggressor - it takes the edge off of all the stuff we have to do, like making sure you don't think we're Frankenstein with the vocabulary of Tarzan.

Have fun, but be safe - I've seen a lot of nasty stuff happen that came from random hook-ups. Yeah - I'm being a downer here with all this morality stuff, but then Jiminy Cricket is my guide.

--Having trouble with my PDA

You wrote to the wrong person - I'll send you Miss Manners' address.

The bigger faux pas is making out in front of strangers. Think about this: there are people who haven't been with someone in months, watching you smooch with this random person, and those people are ready to yell out "Get a room!" at the same time they're thinking "Boy, I need to get me some of that!"

PDAs, especially with some random person, is a bit annoying, especially if it goes on… and on… and on. If you're planning on Jerry Lewis telethon-type make out sessions, it's time to move it behind a closed door. (And no, not the one that your roommate is using to store the keg.) People will appreciate that you've given them a little consideration, and will look away when you've got your SO-of-the-night in your hand as you march up the stairs or around the corner.

Of course, they'll still give you garbage the next morning, but that wasn't your question. The jokes and comments your friends will make, and the assumptions that follow, will be yours to fend off. Try something like "we just listened to music, played 'You Don't Know Jack' on the computer and read Shakespeare." Friends always believe those kinds of activities. Good luck, and thanks for asking.

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