A Word of Advice... on guys

By Joshua O'Connell
Posted Thursday, October 17, 2002

The most explosive response I've gotten from a column to date was relating to a column on Guys and their motives. Apparently it was a more hot-button topic than I thought. The University Wire picked up the column, and it eventually made its way to College Club, a popular college site.

Now, I was really excited to have it run on their site. There were a couple of problems though. First, you couldn't tell it was an advice column - there was no formatting indications. Second, the title they put on the headline was "What Men Want," which changed the context of my column considerably. The combination of the two assured some miscommunication.

Part one of my follow-up is to reprint the entire text of the column, along with some of the comments (I had to choose from 170, so a lot of my favorites didn't make it here).

Part two, which is now online, addresses some of the questions people posted in their replies to my column. They asked a year ago, but I wasn't about to spend all that time reading it then. I was too busy then. I have way too much time on my hands now.

--Access denied

So they want a little somethin' somethin' and you give them a nothin' nothin', and then they're interest in you is as strong as their interest in PBS pledge drives.

Rejection sucks, no doubt about it. So if a guy is interested in you, and you turn him down, he's bound to be at least a bit perturbed. But that doesn't explain the I-hooked-up-with-you-and-that's-all attitude either.

Depending on where you ran into this guy, it could just be that his mental state (read: drunk) made him decide that you're the flavor of the moment. Depending on what kind of state he's in (read: really drunk), he might not even remember his advances. This is one of those sorry situations where the hookup might have been the goal, and the girl didn't matter.

It would be a different story if he's been interested in you for awhile, but if he's been giving you the eye, and sex is the only thing he can come up with to try to get your attention, you're better off not dating him - you'd have more fun on a date with Dick Cheney.

Oh, you people need to stop reading into my choice of names. Keep reading:

Why do freshmen guys stalk upperclassmen girls? Don't they have better things to do with their time?

--Harassed and harrumphed

Don't you like it when immature boys with nothing better to do decide that you're the object of their weird affections?

Yeah, sounds really attractive.

While they probably deserve an A for effort in showing their interest in you, they're showing an F in approach. (Now that's a report card you wouldn't want to take home to mom.) As I've stated in this column previously, freshmen guys usually get shunned the most by girls, and ESPECIALLY upperclassmen. Taboos running rampant, many girls see dating a younger guy as something they aren't willing to take on.

But, there's really nothing wrong with it as long as the girl's willing to break a barrier or two and the guy has at least an IQ that's a tenth of Anna Nicole Smith's. If you're willing to give it a go, and the guy obvious is, go for it. As long as: 1. He's not doing it to boost his rep, 2. He's not out just for the al-key-hol, and 3. The use of the word "stalk" was at least a slight exaggeration.

--Kicked in the groin

I can honestly say that I don' t think guys are bad. But then again, unless Joshua is a female name, I'm probably not the least biased person in the room.

I don't think that it's a one way street though. Guys bash girls all the time, and for odd various reasons. It's sort of like a lottery drawing. The ball comes up (no pun intended), and the random number that comes out is the joke of the moment against girls or guys.

Our differences are what allows this amusing activity to happen. And please tell me that you haven't gotten into a facetious argument with a girl over your differences. I think that just makes the game of life a little more interesting. (It sure isn't the massive textbooks we carry around.)

That's the kind of thing you just have to take in stride. Remember, for every guy joke out there, there's a girl joke just waiting to be told. So did you hear the one about the blonde who was walking down the street?

Yea most of the females play games from the get go anyway. So yea I dont pay ner notta one mo bit attention to the bitch! No I dont drink to get laid, but it seems easier to ge a chic to come home with u when u are drunk than when you're not. Do I lie?

It's easier to get a girl to come home drunk with you, yes. It's also easier to get sued for rape because she was intoxicated and that could muddy the waters over whether she gave an actual consenting answer.

I'd have to say he's right to an extent. But, to be fair, both sexes have odd motives sometimes which make no sense to the others. I know just as many girls who do the same things he spoke of which starts with a drunken pick-up attempt and ends with avoidance like he's a mosquito in south louisiana...

That's fair, of course. The column was about guys though, and the question was geared in a specific nature. But yeah, it can go both ways.

We're all nuts sometimes. Basically the same article could have been written in regards to women. I personally know fifty guys that can say Amen to that! Amen.

I don't play this little high school "hard to get" crap with girls. If they start that, I'm out. I figure if a girl really likes me and wants to get to know me she won't be stupid and play that. That makes more sense than anything.

"Hard to get" can be fun for some people, though. You want them, they're toying with you, you want them more. It's supply and demand - it works for more than the economy.

Y'know...I think the thing that bothers me most about all this is that it gives us guys a bad rap. I mean, I look around at all the girls around school, and all I see are girls out for a quick fling. I see the guys who want the quick fling as well, but my interest isn't with them. ;) Anyhow, I've got no ulterior motives, I'm looking for a serious relationship, nothing sexual even on the boards...but, I can't find that with all the people I'm surrounded by. My point is, yes, some guys are out for that, but not all.

I see that sometimes too, but just like not all guys are like that, not all girls are either. My column wouldn't dare say that everything I described is what will happen 100 percent of the time. But then again, when it comes to college, a lot of people are either not looking for a serious relationship, not ready for one, or is already in one. So yes, it can be quite difficult.

I think the analysis of men that this person has can fit both sexes. This type of "let me holla just to see if they gonna holla back" behavior has been has been used by both males AND females! It's a game. As far as if everyone's doing it.. the answer is a definite NO. That game's objective is to boost the "prowler's" self-esteem or image or whatever.

Now when it comes to us women dating younger men because it's "taboo"... I've only done that twice and I only did it because they were mature for their age as far as life aspirations, conversation, attitude, and approach to life. If they didn't fit the criteria - now this pertains to ANY AGED MAN - then plainly, they get no love or attention from me.

Maturity level is a good factor to take in too. And the game's objective certainly isn't to get a monopoly in the dark blues, that's for sure.

"Why do guys who want to hook up with you act all interested, and then if you turn them down they pretend like you don't even exist?"

LOL! Does anybody else see the stupidity in this statement?

"But if he's been giving you the eye, and sex is the only thing he can come up with to try to get your attention, you're better off not dating him; you'd have more fun on a date with Dick Cheney."

Joshua O'Connell talks like a woman. He better check himself, it sounds a woman is carrying around his balls in her purse.

I get accused of using stereotypes, and then I see this. Sorry, but not everyone acts the same in the world. I've admitted it - how about you? And I don't write columns about how guys and girls can act like the stereotypical guy or girl - I write about how people can AVOID PROBLEMS. If I tell people to just hook up with 150 total strangers on their campus, I don't think they'd be as happy with the results as turning someone down. Then again, turning someone down can be a good feeling in and of itself, especially when you know you're DOING THE RIGHT THING. Sheesh.

this is by far, the lousiest article i've ever read by a CC writer. it's so poorly written and loosely organized i don't even know where to start. just like what simon of american idol would say, "JOSHUA... YOU ARE A LOSER!"

Yeah, quoting Simon Cowell makes you cool. Like that guy who can't stop singing Backstreet Boys tunes. It's a friggin' advice column, not War and Peace. You can only say so much in 750 words; it's obvious though that you can't say anything worthwhile in 50 words, so I'm glad you're not the one writing this column.

To the writer: These were the best questions that were sent to you? There must have been something else you could have used.

And furthermore, if your columm is suposed to be humorous, you missed your chance here. Look at these stupid people available for you to toy with! Why doesn't a guy, like, keep trying after I turn him down?! What planet are these people from? If you are trying to write a humorous article, then let me congradulate you; you've found a goldmine. But if it is partly advise... well it may be time to rethink the whole thing.

I'll admit I played nice. But then, the column was just starting and I wanted questions to come in before I sharpened my teeth. Of course, it's an OBVIOUS answer. But I tend to save my barbs for when the same stupid question is asked for the 50th time. Give benefit of the doubt, answer it the right way once, and then smack 'em across the face for not reading the previous answers. :)

OK, enough of this nonsense. More from College Club can be found here, with questions posed by those who were replying to the column.

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