A Word of Advice... at random

By Joshua O'Connell
Posted Monday, June 4, 2007

I’ve decided to take a different tack, mainly because my Outlook box has recently filled with questions that are simply not my thing or aren’t things I can help with. But I feel guilty not running them, and I can still make pithy comments, can’t I? Let’s give it a go.

--Huh?

Two tips to help me help you: provide me with something, ANYTHING that remotely resembles a question, with some sort of detail that helps me understand your situation. Second, if you’re not even going to bother doing that, don’t use my online form and not provide an E-mail address. The only help you’re getting is that you need to use more words. Onward:

--How can I meddle?

I can’t help you, and here’s why: your letter already stated that you and your friends weighed in on her bad relationship.

There’s a common theory called “love blinders,” where a person is so into a person at a particular point that they refuse to notice, or sometimes can’t even notice, flaws that exist.

Ultimately, while you are being a friend and making your case, it’s her life. If she chooses to be with someone her friends don’t agree with, that’s her right. If he continues to hurt her in ways that help her figure out it’s time to move on, that’s fine. If she decides she wants to put up with the BS anyway, that’s her choice.

If the emotional seesawing escalates into carefully calculated mental or physical abuse to control her, that’s a different story, but breaking up with someone doesn’t fall under those grounds. So at this point, all I can say is be the friend you are, but ultimately it’s her call.

--Free help?

Yes, I did receive a much longer version of this question, more than 2/3 of which was an ad, for a company that’s barely present on the ‘net and wants help promoting it. No dice here – can’t help you in that way, but I know people and if you pay them, they’ll help you. That’s the best I can offer.

--STOP IT!

Another one of those real problems I can’t help with.

Nothing you can say to her will stop her from doing this, and even ignoring her might not stop it. She’s an annoying pain-in-the-ass thorn in a couple’s collective side, and the only way to avoid it is to move to a place where she can’t contact you. Probably not worth it to ignore lies.

--Real question

Corolla maroon Toyota 1990 (complete with soccer mom station wagon, actually). Ask a bad syntax question, get a bad syntax answer. Or at least a Yoda question, anyway.

That one was easy enough to answer, but it doesn’t fit the column.

--Academic help

Here’s one where I feel for the letter writer, but I just don’t have the knowledge of what to do, except a few things:

With the number of colleges out there, think about what you would like to do once you have that college degree, and start looking at what colleges best fit that need. Figure out their requirements, and contact their admissions departments (you’ll always find that information on their Web sites) to see what you might be able to do to get in. If they require certain tests, or paperwork, there won’t be any surprises when you’re close to the application deadline.

It also doesn’t hurt to find people a couple of years older than you and see what they did to make it. If you have friends who went through the process, they’re a great resource.

Good luck, and thanks for asking. Six questions flushed from Outlook! Regular questions return next week.

 E-mail this page
 Printer-friendly page