A Word of Advice... on annoying people

By Joshua O'Connell
Posted Thursday, November 21, 2002

Josh:

What do I do when friends keep telling me I'm anorexic? They watch what I eat and everything. How do I tell them to butt out, when I'm not even close to being anorexic?

--Weight issues… with my friends

This is a heavy issue.

With the amount of attention that the media has brought on anorexia and other eating disorders, I should start by saying it's a good sign that people, even at our age, know what it is. It's also good that they care about you enough to make sure that you're OK, since people can become anorexic and fall into a pit, with friends that get them help too late to save them. Stars like Karen Carpenter fell victim to that, especially since there wasn't a lot of information about anorexia in the late 70s/early 80s.

But, when you know you're eating healthy and they continue to harass, then it crosses boundaries from polite caring to rude nosiness. The best way to handle something like this is to tell them that you appreciate how they care, but you're not anorexic and are very careful about eating enough each day. Tell them some people simply eat less than others. I personally eat one major meal a day, and that's all I'm hungry for.

Tell them that you appreciate that they care, but it's getting tiresome and interfering with your friendship when they keep nagging you over something that's a non-issue. Friends who are true friends should be able to take your word. What makes it difficult to get them to stop is that some people who fall into the trap of anorexia not only don't want help, but like what it's doing to their body. Karen Carpenter was one who kept thinking she needed to lose even more weight. In cases like those, I can understand why they'd keep nagging.

Tell your friends that trust is a big issue with friendships, and that they can trust you not to lie to them about something as big as that. If they still can't deal with that, it's time to cut back the time with the "friends" for a bit. Or at least stop watching every Thursday at 8 PM. Oh, stop groaning - I can hear it, you know. But seriously, if you really feel the need to end this once and for all, consider a trip to the health center. They have lots of information on anorexia, and after a quick chat with the nurses there, they can either confirm or deny your friends' suspicions.

--Thinking about having my nose removed

Buy them some deodorant and a gift card to JC Penney for Christmas. Oh wait - JC Penney is so 1987. But I just can't advise you to send the person to Abercrombie - I have an allergy to orange clothing.

Or, if you don't like spending money on others, a can of Lysol or Glade Plug-Ins for the dorm could be a good investment. The stinky part can be done somewhat tactfully, and with a sense of humor to make it entertainment for all! Try things like "Did you work out today?" or "Has the trash been taken out lately? It's starting to smell in here!"

There's no tactful way to tell them this, so you might as well have fun with it. If you must talk to them about it seriously, be prepared to set them up for an anger management session the next day, but be honest.

As for the clothes borrowing thing, other than putting a lock on the closet door you could consider making all of their underwear disappear, or borrow something of theirs and simply wear it while doing something messy. Follow it up with a comment like "I just wanted to wear something old and ragged while painting the house," or whatever it might be that you're doing - cooking spaghetti sauce, cleaning the bathroom… whatever. If they get ticked, and you know they will, simply say that you appreciate their feelings about you wearing their clothing without asking, and you'd appreciate the same courtesy in return. Then tell them how you caught them wearing your red bra on Friday.

Petty? Yes, so if you're the more non-humor approach type of person, simply sit down, say that you don't appreciate them taking stuff without asking, and if they continue, see the previous paragraph for further ideas.

--Not happy with him breaking my stuff

"Break" off ties with him. Har har.

The best thing to do is just sit down, tell him what he did, and just say that if he can't remember, you can show him. Evidence can be helpful in this situation, and all the better if you can show him a bill for the $200 it cost to replace that lovely vase in the corner of the room.

If he doesn't respond to this stimulus, when he comes knocking on the door, having some ready-made excuses why he can't come in, such as "my roommate's trying to get some work done and I promised no guests" or "I'm hooking up with someone right now, talk to you later" can be worthwhile. True or not, if he can't learn his lesson, those lines could save you from spending your last saved dime replacing the first season DVD collection of The Mary Tyler Moore show. Good luck, and thanks for asking.

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