A Word of Advice... on relationships

By Joshua O'Connell
Posted Monday, November 24, 2003

My boyfriend of two years just moved out because he got some advice to do so. He said that it is because he wants me to learn something.

I am in school and he is working and I really do not treat him well during the week when he comes home. We really do not go out any more because on my mind is my school. Right now it is hard for me to cope with him moving out. He said that we have to look inside of each other separately to figure what we want to change.

My question is what exactly is he looking for?

--Moving day came too soon

He wants you to learn something? What is this, Intro to Philosophy?

However, I do see his point, at least to some extent. You even do, to your credit; you know that you've treated him badly and that's a problem. Obviously, he's unhappy with said treatment and is "making a point."

I'm not a fan of the drastic like this, though. If he hasn't at least sat down with you and talked about it first, he's taken a fairly drastic step without seeing where both of you are. A two-year relationship isn't going to be like it was when you have that honeymoon phase at the beginning; you aren't going to go out as often as you did at the beginning.

I'd tell him you know what this is about, but could you talk about it? At least then you both are on the same page. If he wants something you can't provide right now, and he feels breaking up is the best option, at least you don't have to drag this out. However, if you can figure things out, you've still got a chance.

--Looking for that spark again

Another honeymoon phase-related question, so that part remains the same: relationships are not going to be like they were when things first got started. Of course, your problems seem to run a little deeper.

Sometimes, once that honeymoon phase wears out, you realize there's less in common than you originally thought. Things can get awkward as one person always talks about work while the other obsesses about sports. These gaps can sometimes be overcome, while other times they can't.

It's pros vs. cons time: are there enough pros in the relationship to outweigh the cons? If things are going smoothly, but just with more bickering than there used to be, that's a small price to pay for an otherwise healthy relationship. But if you guys can't even make it to the restaurant or through a movie before a fight breaks out, maybe it's time to consider other options.

And remember: a failed relationship doesn't mean you did anything wrong. Sometimes people change, while other times it just doesn't shake out. With over six billion people in the world, I'm sure there's someone out there for everyone.

--Oh, baby - what a problem!

Before we call up Maury for one of his almost daily paternal test results shows, let's consider some possibilities here.

First, there is the chance that your regular boyfriend fathered his child. Doctors have been known to be wrong. They said my great-grandmother would die in her mid-50s after a bout with cancer. She ended up dying this summer at the age of 94. So much for that.

There is also the chance that the other guy is the father, in which both of you will have to face the consequences of that. Paternity tests can be conducted; you can find out even before the baby is born if the other guy is the father or not through a procedure called amniocentesis. Be prepared though; while it can be done during the second trimester, there is a risk of miscarriage. Also, the cost of those tests are around $400, based on some quick research I did. Maybe Maury would be useful after all. Good luck, and thanks for asking.

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