Single and Fabulous

By Adam Kuhn
Posted Friday, May 18, 2007

Editor's note: With the relaunch of INPursuit we welcome Adam Kuhn to our small, but growing stable of writers. Adam has a keen eye of observation, and doesn't hold back on what he feels, which attracted us to his column. We hope you enjoy it as much as we have!

I had a thought while walking out of my building today. With fellow single friends and forgotten exes in mind, I wondered: why are single people always single? Talking bottom lines, its often found that single people are the ones with the most personality, the ones who are sure to show you good time on the weekends, and the ones who have a better understanding of everyday bullshit.

Is it this kind of character building that turns people off? Are prospective partners discouraged or even threatened by a strong personality? In the days of MySpace and Facebook and eHarmony, where the only real goal is random, anonymous sex, is there any value still had by conversation over coffee?

Some time ago, I put this theory to this test. I took two completely random individuals from somewhere around New Haven. One seemed intellectual, he wasn't very attractive, and I was fairly certain the only reason he created a profile was to one day find his true love in the form of a friend request. The other was a model. His profile was adorned with shirtless pictures of his sculpted body, and his curly blonde hair was perfectly arranged to look as though he just woke up, but naturally appeared incredible. I had the feeling he was no stranger to strangers. Both my subjects were perfect.

I took the liberty of making a very taboo move in the MySpace realm and asked them both out for coffee. The intellectual one, in his response, stumbled over what to say and proceeded to pick apart his schedule for the week and lay it out clearly for me. This one's problem seemed obvious at first, but then I began to think of another friend of mine, who's not too attractive, and not too social, but somehow manages to jump from relationship to relationship with almost no single time in between.

The model turned me down, claiming he was in a relationship, even when his profile had, for some time, declared him single. Perhaps I wasn't his type, or perhaps coffee and conversation was his equivalent to a cold shower. I'll never know.

I came to another difficult realization while out for karaoke with some friends last night. Being gay is not as easy as I've been trying to convince myself it is. Everywhere you go, outside of the clubbing and theatre scenes, the standard is straight. My friend Kristin is gorgeous, social, and tons of fun. Often times, she's the center of attention of all the guys in the room. The only place I could ever hope to find that kind of attention is either Gotham, or behind the scenes of a play at Carnegie Mellon. But if you find yourself not compatible with a topless, mindless sex-hunter or a kicking, dancing MT, are you hopeless?

Then I thought maybe it's just easier for women. A female couple just kissed at a table across from mine and now they're holding hands while playing chess. If someone said something to them, and the women defended themselves, they would be respected as strong individuals who stand up for what they believe in, and since men can't hit women, the offenders don't stand a chance if they can't come up with a clever comeback. Plus, two chicks are hot… duh. On the other hand, if a male couple stands up for what they believe in when verbally attacked, they run the risk of a fist having coffee and conversation with their faces.

I'm not one to shy away from walking out on a limb and asking a stranger to talk, but when it comes being gay in a straight world, even in New Haven, I began to wonder: is it them, is it here, or is it me?

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