'Spoken For'

By Adam Kuhn
Posted Friday, May 25, 2007

Today I got to thinking about the steps of a relationship. When does it become "official"? When is it safe to declare oneself "taken"? After meeting someone, typical names for the different levels of status include "dating", "seeing each other", "with someone", and finally "together"? And throughout all this, what role does sex play?

In the hazy world called dating, it's difficult to tell where one stands when it comes to occasional romantic occupation. Sure, we're all searching for "the one" but at our age, who are we kidding?

There are some of us who tend to jump into things, become attached too soon, and in some cases, manage to find ourselves in long-term relationships with tons of baggage. A friend of mine was lucky enough to break away from this cycle when she opened her eyes and became tired of the bullshit. Sort of like how New Haven decided that he and the Coliseum just weren't right together. The Coliseum spent all New Haven's money, and just sort of loafed around downtown not doing anything. Who wants to date a free-loader? If only we could implode people who are bad for us…

Some of us on the other hand try to avoid becoming attached and distance ourselves from those we're interested in, either because we think getting in too deep is dangerous, or because we fear dancing along the fine line of becoming that annoying guy. Although I'm no fan of playing the game of hard to get, it's true that being too available can become a turn off. When is it ok to become available? Is it a time? A feeling? How long does one have to be elusive to be desired?

After meeting someone, is exclusivity assumed, or is it ok to go talk to the guy who just threw you a smile? Is the person you met from Los Angeles top dog, or is kosher to mingle with the new kid on the block after top dog has gone back to the dog house?

What is the real definition of "in a relationship"?

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