The Pursuit of Happiness

By Adam Kuhn
Posted Friday, June 1, 2007

The idea that love simply falls into one's lap is complete nonsense. And on the rare occasion that it does, it usually ends in disaster. One relationship that fell into my lap lasted six months. I used a friend, supposedly love's greatest untapped resource, to get us together, my first mistake. The last three months of our relationship we were busy crashing and burning. I've been haunted by it ever since.

Recently, I have found that if love is to last, you can't simply expect it to conveniently fall at your feet, and you certainly can't put the responsibility on friends to hook you up. If you want it, you have to go out and get it, and sometimes that means doing things your ego and pride don't often allow you to do. But when does the innocent pursuit become hunting and hog-tying?

Since November, instead of spending my free time with friends having fun, I've been pining over a certain love interest that has lead me nowhere but into the forest of confusion and frustration. And when my goal of contact and togetherness is achieved, it only leads me farther down that dimly lit path.

A friend of mine, who recently became engaged, told me that before her relationship even got off the ground, she had to bend over backwards this past year just to get her fiancee to notice she was alive.

Sometimes, when feelings are strong and mutual, the hunt can be quick and painless, but sometimes it can drain your spirit and ride your patience to where you question whether or not it's worth it. The burning question is when is it no longer worth it?

It was a Saturday night. I was dressed to perfection. I had a bottle of red wine and a sophisticated bag of goodies ready to go. It was to be the deal to end all deals. 10 o'clock comes… no call. My hair never looked better, I was floating on my own confidence. 12 o'clock… no call. The bottle is opened, Emily and I pop in a movie, and rant about men. 2 o'clock comes, and I receive a text message. It's him. Something happened with his friends that night, but he still wants to get together.

After being jerked around for hours, and against all my better judgment, I leave Emily's company, with my emergency bottle of merlot for just this circumstance, and head to his dorm around 3. I realized it was a mistake the moment I arrived. His friend was there. He clearly had hanging out in mind. I clearly had something else in mind.

The initial pursuit of a relationship can sometimes be the most dangerous part. First impressions are critical, and in my case, when you only see the man while the moon is full, you feel as though you need to remake your impression every time you meet. Although seldom in occurrence, the act becomes so tiresome, you always leave with the thought of "where the hell is this going?"

There are certain degrees and certain standards to which everyone can pushed. When these points are reached, should we pay more attention to the red flags, or should we swallow our pride and continue further with the hopeful thought that, one day, he'll be yours and everything will be fantastic? ...Fearfully bearing in mind of course the dreadful thought that maybe he's just not that into you.

Are life and liberty just more rewarding than the pursuit of happiness?

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