I Don't Swing That Way

By Adam Kuhn
Posted Tuesday, June 5, 2007

I have a new understanding, and sympathy, toward those who are homophobic. When a gay man makes passes at a straight man, it instigates a lot of discomfort, and in many cases, anger and frustration. The scenario seems so incredibly wrong, that most men will respond in the only way a man knows how to when put in an uncomfortable situation. In this respect, I think I may have become hetero-phobic.

As I have found, most gay men tend to have a majority of female friends. Girls appreciate the company of gay men because gay men aren’t constantly trying to get in their pants. But what do you do when a girl-friend wants you in her pants? Girls will say that their gay friends are fun and they understand her feelings, and that comfort comes from not having to raise their guard so often, but what kind of ballgame are we playing when the tables have turned?

Some months ago, I met a friend, a girl, who’s fun, smart, and easy to talk to. Since we’ve met, we’ve been inseparable. Our nights always end a high note, but sometimes I get the feeling she’s interested in something more than that.

I've always heard stories about gay guys and their “fag hags” catching themselves in similar, awkward situations. I’ve never been in one myself, before this, and I’ve never heard any further detail as to how the situation escalated and was finally resolved.

I once knew a girl when I lived in Pittsburgh. She was proclaimed, by herself and others, the Queen Bee fag hag. I remember her telling me, as she was showing off all of her gay friends to me and the fun times they had at Pride Festivals in Chicago, that she could only truly fall in love with a gay man. Her nickname shortly after became the “homo-sexual”. Her “orientation”, as it were, couldn’t be argued since, the entire time I knew her, she was single.

They say that sleeping with a straight man is the ultimate fantasy for a gay man. Is sleeping with a gay man the ultimate fantasy for a straight woman? The straight man fulfills desires of a gay man that no gay man can. They don’t possess the feminine qualities that most gay men do. Do straight women find the gay man attractive because they don’t possess masculine qualities that most straight men do? I had to research further…

According to one “social analysis” website, the fag hag will sometimes pursue a gay may man in hopes to convert him, simply to show that she can, to show that she is attractive enough to pull a man away from his sexuality to pursue an exceptional interest in her. This reminds of a book I once read where a straight detective often posed as a male prostitute. He would lure interested gentlemen with his charming good looks and ultimately arrest them. As he aged, his superiors deemed him too old for his position and decided he wasn’t attractive enough for that line of work. From then on, he posed as a prostitute anyway, and would have constant sex with gay men, just to satisfy the idea that he still could. The story ends with him crashing his ex wife’s wedding by sleeping with the groom.

The secret desires of the human being are endless, but if the dynamics of our fantasies sometimes include what we could never have, why do we still pursue them? Why is the unattainable at the top of our most wanted list?

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