Some Things Are Worth Fighting For

By Adam Kuhn
Posted Friday, June 22, 2007

There’s nothing more impersonal than when someone special calls you, and you answer only to find out that their leg called you accidently. The ruffling noise of their pocket, as his phone rubs against his thigh, tells you, in its own language, that he didn’t call you, he didn’t want to talk to you, and he didn’t walk to hear your voice.

For months I defended this man. I made excuses for his cold behavior; all because of my infatuation with him. I’ll never learn my lesson. In all likelihood, we may once again make plans this weekend. And he’ll disappear the night of as usual.

I got in touch with this man earlier in the week, refreshing his memory of a very compromising photo he felt compelled to send me one cold, lonely night. He told me how he missed me and would love to see me this weekend for another “stay over”.

ROUND ONE: A text message conversation leaves me content with our plans. Surely I had guaranteed myself a night at his place that Saturday. There’s no escaping this time. He’s mine. Adam – 1, Him – 0.

ROUND TWO: Saturday night, Gotham’s Pride Party. The Kristins and I attend and have a fabulous time, but a surprise move comes. A left hook in the form of a phone call! He never calls! This had been the first time I had heard his voice since we met. His deep, incredible voice… For the love of god, keep talking… He tells me he’s tired after a day with the family and we reschedule for tomorrow night. Ooh, clever. You win this round. The score is tied.

ROUND THREE: A text message is sent, no response from him… but then… directions to his place! This fight is over! He has surrendered the directions! I’m definitely going to see him! He’s down, but not out yet! Round three goes to Adam.

ROUND FOUR: Sunday afternoon comes, along with silence from this jackass. I make a bold move and ignore him as well and go out with my friend Jon. It looks like he could win this round, but then comes another surprise phone call! Plans are reconfirmed and victory goes to Adam. The score is now 3 – 1.

ROUND FIVE: All is going to plan then suddenly a surprise interference comes from Jon with a pile driving “he’s no good for you”! All is lost when Jon takes me on a two-hour joyride around Fairfield and prevents me from calling him! This fight is over! Calls are made later that night but it’s too late! No answer! You win this time jackass!

And that was my weekend if held at Madison Square Garden. Unfortunately, things were much less exciting. I had been blown off yet again by someone I had a serious thing for. I tried so hard to figure out why this kept happening, and every time I thought I was getting somewhere, the same thing would happen with this guy, and things would start all over again.

Wow, I really like you and want to see you. Yea, I like you too, you should come over. Great, I’ll see you soon, I’ll leave in a few minutes. Oh wait, I forgot, I’m dead! Watch me not respond. You do this every time, you’re not worth it, I’m never calling you again. – Of course, any idiot could tell you what happened the following weekend.

There were obvious reasons why I kept pursuing this man, even though Jon, my joyriding captor at the time, only saw how he was hurting me. He had intelligence, charisma, a great body. He was reserved, calculated, and every part of him was proportional. Every part. It was simple: I wanted him. And just then, it hit me.

Maybe he knew that. Maybe he knew that I was head over heels for him and used it to his advantage. Maybe he knew that plenty of other people felt the same way about him, and he’s just having fun with it.

There’s an old saying that goes “Men can never be trusted.” Men, especially sickeningly hot men, will use whatever means at their disposal to get what they want. On occasion, what they want may involve booty on the weekends. Then I thought, well I'm a man. What do I want?

What was I pursuing with this guy? Until that Saturday, our communication was strictly text. I even found it especially strange when he called. Was I contributing to the impersonal nature of our interaction? And if so, did that mean I was just looking for booty on the weekends?

After I thought about it, I wasn’t very upset anymore. I, much like many other gay man, had lost my shot at winning that first place trophy. And you bet I was pissed. We all know how it goes. If two gay men see a guy they both want, it’s on. And there ain’t nobody backin’ down.

It was refreshing to realize I had enough fight in me to go after this guy for so long. There was no other way to slice it. I wanted him. And just then, it hit me.

His unbelievable good looks and charm didn’t make him Mr. Right. His rockin’ bod and huge member made him Mr. Right Now. And I'm not a ‘right now’ kind of guy.

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