Keep On Truckin'

By Adam Kuhn
Posted Friday, June 29, 2007

This upcoming weekend, I'm having a small get-together of friends to celebrate my going-away. It won’t be anything big; just a small collection of close friends to say goodbye to as I open a new chapter in my life. I expect it will be very similar to the gathering I had when I left Connecticut the first time.

Unfortunately, I've grown a little accustomed to leaving people behind. My life takes me in different directions constantly, and I usually don’t remain in one place for more than two years. Perhaps this is why it feels so disheartening to learn that someone close is finally leaving me.

We didn’t meet at a gay club, or through a friend, or any of the other methods of meeting people that usually end in disaster. We met at his job, exchanged numbers, and quickly shared an amazing bond. The bond was short-lived, but it never completely disappeared. Often times, our relationship repeated the same pattern after a few weeks of distance. We’d run into each other, get together one, or maybe several nights thereafter, and my friends would get a call the next morning sounding something like, “Guess who I slept with last night.”

Tonight was no different. I had learned from some friends of mine that he would be leaving for Miami in two days. I was shocked. There were whispers floating around that he was thinking of moving, but I was never given any kind of timetable. I called him immediately, a little upset that if I hadn’t, he would have slinked out of town without my even knowing. An hour later, I was at his place, playing all the old games we used to, and loving every moment.

I was never sure if we ever fit the description of ‘friends with benefits’. After fooling around for two hours, we talked about everything from who we slept with since we last saw each other to what went wrong when we were dating… both times. No matter how we interacted after we ended things, relations between us always turned sexual; probably because we were the best either of us has ever had.

All it took for one of us to have the other by the balls was a phone call. Perhaps that’s what kept the attraction alive for so long; the fact that no matter what the one person does, and no matter how many rules the other person breaks by following, we would always obey each other. Now faced with the fact that he’s leaving, I'm beginning to understand what I've been doing to all my friends by moving around so much.

Last week, a friend of mine from Reno was in town. A few years ago, when she left, the feeling of loss never truly set in. Although, the bond between us wasn’t romantic or sexual, it was nonetheless incredible and priceless. Whenever I needed an escape, and couldn’t drive anywhere because I was too young, she was my number one option. Warm, understanding, and always available, she was my port in the storm.

When I visited her last year, the feeling of loss hit me. Since then, we’ve never been closer, and I consider it one of the best vacations I’ve ever taken.

It’s interesting when you analyze the chemistry between yourself and special people in your life. I've told my Reno friend things that I would never even consider telling even my best of friends. With other people, telling them such secrets would me feel awkward and open to judgment. I’ve let my beneficial friend do things to me that I wouldn’t even have fathomed doing with even my closest of boyfriends. Things that turn me off, or even hurt, with others are incredible with him.

I wasn’t sure if I was ready to let someone like him go. Even though we’ve let each other go twelve hundred times before, we’ve never put twelve hundred miles between us. Through the weeks we didn’t speak, knowing that he was still close was comforting. And yes, there was jealousy seeing him with other guys.

Even though we had no established relationship, he was warm, understanding, and always available. And it’s upsetting to realize I may not see him, or make port, in a very long time.

Having someone special leave is a difficult pill to swallow. People in your life will come and go, and all of them have important lessons to teach you. Some of those people get closer than others, and if you’re lucky, move to a place worth visiting again and again.

 E-mail this page
 Printer-friendly page