The Boys of Wall Street

By Adam Kuhn
Posted Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Last night, I invited some friends over to help with a film project. As I came to discover, one of my friends was not in a good place with the boyfriend. Shortly after a fight on the phone, things between them ended. Ironically, the Dow was down 97 points that day. Although the stock market and the love market have nearly nothing to do with each other, after my friend’s stock plummeted, I began to notice many similarities.

My friend’s relationship had, to this point, lasted a grand total of two and a half years, and ultimately came crashing down with “we’re supposed to be a team” echoing in the distance.
On the floor of the stock exchange, the “team” concept doesn’t exist. Traders are quick to notice a shift in the tides and are almost impulsive at the first sign of loss. But conversely, in relationships, the rules of the floor apply.

A relationship is an investment and anything can influence change in value. Intelligent and educated people all over the world have spent years figuring ways to predict change, but the market, like relationships, can be incredibly volatile.

Stock value can be relative to the rewards in a relationship. When trading (or dating) stock value is based on annual earnings of the company (or your first impression of Mr. Easy-on-the-eyes). Investors (or singles) evaluate where they see their stock (relationship) in the long run. From that, they decide whether or not they want to hold on (take the next step) or sell (kick him to the curb).

As they hold onto their stocks (maintain their boyfriend status) different powers and events cause fluctuation in value (flowers on your birthday, good sex, a fight). It’s these changes, and how we assess and act on them, that decided whether or not our stock will flourish or crash.

In the marketplace, there are things called “blue chip” stocks; shares of which are usually those of well-established companies with stable earnings. These stocks are sought after by investors for their safety and stability because even when the company is doing poorly, they still pay regular dividends.

On the floor of the New York Boyfriend Exchange, there is no “blue chip” man. Even though some of us are generous, loving, and genuinely selfless in relationships, if one member isn’t happy, the other is going to know, and stock value will take a hit. In my friend’s case, even after two and a half years of low yield, low risk, and reliable returns, Black Monday can be right after the opening bell.

After the crash of ’29, international markets mandated new policies that would temporarily suspend trading after a rapid decline. This would prevent panicking investors from impulsively selling their stocks and causing more damage to the market.

Is this a good policy in relationships? After a fight, or anything to cause a drop in stock value, our minds get cloudy. We say things we don’t mean and often bring up things that are unrelated just to cause more pain to the other.

Before my friend’s fight broke out over the phone, it was suggested that he take some time to calm down and talk tomorrow when things have settled. If either of them followed stock market policy and chilled out for a bit, might it have prevented them from acting too impulsively? Would these investors have thought more clearly before pulling out too soon?

Either way, whether you’re in the market for bonds or boys, investing is risky. You never know what twists and turns the market can throw at you. What keeps us coming back are the rewards associated. On Wall Street, investment bankers make a living from knowing what signs to look for to keep their heads above water. In relationships, you can do worse than break the bank. You can break your heart. So in turn, should we be the same about boyfriends? And if so, what signs should we look for? What are the smart moves an investment boyfriend can make before the closing bell?

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