New Friend Requests

By Adam Kuhn
Posted Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Over the course of my two and a half years with MySpace, I've developed a certain respect for online profile websites and what they allow people to do. The "addiction", as it's sometimes called, is very real for many users, and although many of us have already taken a side on the matter, is MySpace really all that bad for you?

Beyond the decorations and colorful themes we apply, there is a definitive power behind the information on a person's profile. For instance, you are instantly judged, by persons unknown, based on things like your pictures, location, and status. My thoughts on the subject: Were we too quick to judge MySpace? Was MySpace becoming the new blind date? Secrets that we can't tell others in person have no problem finding their place on one's profile, so is online the new way to go?

Clearly I had to do some research, and what better sources to use than my fellow online peers? Over the past few weeks, I asked about 300 MySpace users all over the country between the ages of 20 and 25 what their stories were, because we all have stories. What I found was remarkable. In the two and a half years that I sat dormant with my profile, people were making friends, lovers, and tons of hook-ups. One question: Where was I?

My first and probably most interesting story came from a 21-year-old broadcast journalist in Boston. He told about how he stumbled upon someone's profile from Las Vegas. The two began sending messages to each other and soon after hit it off. Some time later, my broadcast journalist was shooting and interview with a member of the Scissor Sisters. That same weekend, Mr. Vegas came to town. I'm told the two had "an amazing weekend" and still remain close.

Coincidently, my next two responses came from Vegas. One involved lots of drama where two guys met on MySpace and started their saga with hooking up. One of them had a boyfriend so naturally the hooking up was short lived. The two went back and forth from talking to not talking, all the while, the taken man tried his best to distance himself from the one he was with. The story ended with the taken man staying with his boyfriend and cutting his MySpace lover out of his life. The two both had intense feelings for each other, but never pursued them.

In Columbus, things got a little more interesting. A 19-year-old responded to my message with short stories about many of his MySpace encounters. They involved a hook-up with a 30-year-old in the body of a 20-year-old, a boyfriend-turned-stalker who's still at large, a four-month relationship that ended when the other cheated on him… with Jesus, a childhood buddy that couldn't keep his pants on when it came to his friends, a five-month relationship that ended too fast because it started too fast, and a first date with a man who had the kissing reputation of a Licker from Resident Evil.

Due to my unexpectedly poor response from Los Angeles and New York, I decided to see what was going on in the less-talked-about portions of the nation. So off I was to Wichita, Kansas:

"Well here goes, Ok, two days before I met this guy on MySpace, I had written a letter to someone else explaining how I felt about him. In the few weeks prior to me writing this, we were flirting pretty good, and I have liked him ever since we dated for the brief period two years ago. So I write him this letter he writes back saying he is just looking to flirt and hook up. I told him I want to be friends but obviously he took my letter as something to start a relationship. Anyways this guy from MySpace messaged me and we started talking. Eventually we hooked up for a four day weekend being snowed in where we were. Word later comes back that this guy I had spent four days with slept with the guy I wrote the letter to six days ago. So he gets all mad, and starts saying stuff, when he slept with him not a week before."

In Atlanta, a 24-year-old had a story that essentially illustrated the dream scenario for MySpace meetings: "I searched for exactly what I wanted in a guy physically: An African-American or mixed body builder. He was one of the only ones to come up. We sent e-mails back and forth, chatted, and instant messaged. Eventually we met one afternoon for lunch. The date was so good we didn't want it to end, so we saw a movie, got coffee, and came back to my place. He left later on, but after that day we probably spent maybe six days apart during out 10-month relationship." I'm told they remain friends today.

A 20-year-old from Portland had two stories to share. In one, he met a man with a certain "Peruvian charm". They spoke for roughly a month before having an awkward meeting. That night, his Peruvian man asked if they could just cuddle. "My heart was beating out of my chest when he said this, but I awkwardly approved. The next thing I knew, I was in a full body wrap of half-clothed human flesh."

Although the story had an unhappy ending, it seems it wasn't a total loss. "He was the first person that ever made me feel attractive. Before him I was self-conscious, horrified of my body, which was completely absurd because I wasn't unattractive." I come to find his Peruvian man used him and "sapped him dry". They broke up after four months.

After browsing the country, I couldn't help but come back home to see what was going on locally. After all, we fool around too. A 19-year-old from Waterbury wrote: "Dear Adam, I met one guy on MySpace randomly and asked him to be my friend because I was new to MySpace and thought he was cute. We actually dated for a while. I met another guy who my current partner also met through MySpace. We had a quick interaction and left it at that. His MySpace pictures were better looking than he actually was. MySpace shirts and buttons that say MySpace ruined my life are right because I could have done better without meeting those two boys."

Although none of my MySpace encounters resulted in anything so lucrative (i.e. a few bad decisions in Pittsburgh), is it unfair to think negatively of those who do more than browse? After all, how are these stories that much different than dating using other resources? People meet, get close, have romance, break up, make friends, and still live to tell the tale.

When it comes to dating and MySpace, is there really that big a difference?

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