It's a Jungle Out There

By Adam Kuhn
Posted Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Earlier in the month, I signed onto AIM for the first time in centuries. Almost immediately, I was greeted by a certain someone who I later found out had quite the story to tell. To my surprise, it turned out I was talking to one of the most… well… experienced individuals in the northeast. Even though he, himself, called the Connecticut gay scene a "love triangle", I had never come across a better example of it than him and his history.

One of the first and most memorable things that he told me was that for the past several months, he has been in a sort of "friends with benefits" kind of relationship with two much older public officials from an eastern Connecticut town. They weren't "dating". The dynamics of their relationship involved sex on a necessity basis. When he and one of his officials were lonely, the two would capitalize on their acquaintance and satisfy their mutual needs.

After that, he proceeded to take me through his average week. "I go out to bars every single night pretty much," he said casually referring to places in New Haven as well as more local establishments in his native Middlesex County. "Almost every night is a weekend for me."

"Saturday nights I might just stay in, but usually I cruise MySpace to find someone to hook up with." At first I thought he was being sarcastic; then he elaborated. He went on to say that has sex an average of five times a week, sometimes with the same person. And that person, or persons, might stay with him the night, or the entire week. "If I have someone stay with me for a week, I've been known to have sex four times a day."

As the conversation went on, I began to think about the gay community as a whole. After all, it's so much more insightful to hear about sex lives other than your own. It inspires questions like: What are we after? Are we all just sex fiends? Is it really that big of a mystery as to why sex was always associated with our stereotype? When a straight guy and a straight girl are together in any casual situation, nobody first assumes that later on, the two of them are going to be getting it on. Put two gay guys in the same spot, and it's almost unanimous what's on everyone's mind.

I have a friend who I almost always run into at Gotham. While we would be chatting, either he or I might find ourselves distracted by the hottie who just walked in. Seconds later, the other one of us would have something to say about him; usually something sexual, either about how we've already been with him and how awful he is, or how psychotic he is, or how big he is.

It made me wonder if things like gay marriage were worth pursuing. Gay men don't want to get married; gay men want to get laid. Straight men want to get laid, but gay men are better at it. Statistically it's true, and the man I was talking to online was living proof. And it wasn't just Connecticut. This guy once hooked up with "some 19-year-old boy whose mom is loaded. He had his own apartment in Austin." Yes. Austin, Texas. The man travels. The 19-year-old took the liberty to fly him down. "I've gone to Mississippi twice and hooked up, too."

Earlier today, I ran into someone who once worked at my high school. Now she works with someone I once dated. As we were talking and catching up, she asked, with a concerned tone, if I use protection. She even added a small disclaimer before she asked. It came in the form of "I know you're gay."

Though I was flattered by her concern, I was very interested in the underlying meaning of the words she used. "I know you're gay". Was that meant to translate to "I know you have tons of sex?" Does she ask everyone this question? Or just the gay guys because its common knowledge that they sleep all over town?

The more I thought about it, the less I wanted to set foot in a gay club ever, ever again. How many of these guys have already been with each other? How safe is it to bring one of them home? I only want to be with one of you, not indirectly sleep with the entire city. It certainly gives new meaning to MySpace's "extended network".

Another thought that jumped through my mind was maybe I was just being closed-minded and judgmental. After all, who was I to criticize other peoples' sex lives? My conversation certainly shed light on the secret lives of "our people" and their sexual standards.

In a world where sex is sex, and almost nothing is considered weird anymore, there was only one question remaining: Was I being naïve? Or was this experienced individual just a great big whore?

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