A Friendly Engagement

By Adam Kuhn
Posted Friday, September 7, 2007

In the weeks prior to my big move to New York, I prepared myself by traveling back and forth every weekend. My schedule last month was filled with events taking me all over the five boroughs. Several weekends ago, I attended my friend’s housewarming party in Brooklyn. It just so happened that everyone at the party, including my friend’s fiancée, was involved in a conspiracy to fix me up with a friend of theirs.

It all started a few weeks beforehand when my close friend, the host of the party, tells me, “I have a boy for you.” As if it he expected me to say, “Oooh! Really?! Who is he?!” The conversation, in reality, went in a much different direction. He later told me that his friend has a single in the dorms. I later told him, “I hate him already.” It always bothered me when straight friends think their gay friends are automatically compatible because they share an orientation.

I held fast to my original opinion when I saw that physically, he wasn’t my type at all, but as the night went on, we spent less and less time socializing with the party, and more and more time alone on the balcony. The next day, I decided to give this apparent blind date another go ‘round. We spent the entire day together. It was the classic dinner and a movie, plus a little something extra, and by the time the day ended, I was ready to move to the city even more.

To say the least, or perhaps most, I had met one incredibly normal human being. Even though he didn’t fit the criteria of my preferred prospective date, it was incredibly refreshing to spend hours on end talking with a like-minded individual. It gets exhausting when you're the only gay guy among your straight friends, or an art student among your friends who didn’t go to college, or a writer among the co-workers at your intellectually stagnant job. Plus, how many gay, single smokers are there left in New York?

With the following weekend came New York’s inexplicably fabulous Pride Parade. As my posse and I made our way down Fifth Avenue, we met up with my blind date somewhere around 20th Street. I was thrilled to see my friends getting along with him so well. By the time we made it to Sheridan Square, we were all having an incredible time. After the parade, my blind date was kind enough to invite us all back to his dorm to stay the night. It was here that I began to notice how incompatible we were in other departments.

During the parade, I saw easily three billion other guys that fit the description of “my type”. Strong, masculine, confident. These characteristics did not describe my blind date. He had a smaller frame than me, a high-pitched and somewhat feminine voice, and didn’t exude the “showdown, throw-down” attitude that drives me crazy in the bedroom. His technique was more of a “go-down and slow down”.

I was in a similar situation when I lived in Pittsburgh. There was a certain someone out there who had just the right personality for me, but tragically, not the right qualities when it came to physical features. Don’t judge, they matter. Whenever we were together, the conversation would last hours. I would even go so far as to say it hurt me more than it hurt him that I wasn’t attracted.

Coincidently, the same person who introduced me to that man introduced me to my blind date. Although I get some great friends out of it, I've learned never to trust his judgment in men ever, ever again.

It’s sincerely painful when things like that happen. It’s almost as if the universe is cheating you out of a deal when people like that come along. Their amazing personality and fun company almost make you want to marry them then and there, but lacking in these truly beautiful people are the attributes that make a relationship a relationship: physical attraction.

At this point, it’s unknown what will happen with my blind date. Whenever I'm in town, it’s universally expected that I see him. And having that feeling of being tied down by other people is enough alone to make me want to run. Plus, I just moved to one of the most attractive cities in the world. What was I thinking getting lost in a relationship right off the bat?

Maybe people like my blind date and my not-so-attractive Pittsburgh pal aren’t ever meant to work romantically, but at the end of the day, the friendships they bring are much more rewarding. And I don’t hold it against my friends who tried to set us up. After all, they’re engaged. What do they know?

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